In addition to the inherent toxicity of the practice it used to be quite common for matches to be arranged when either one or both of the individuals were fresh out of adolescence, and it still occurs in certain parts of India today. Even my grandfather, possibly the sweetest man I haveĮver met, “wouldn’t have hesitated to disown me if I had decided to pursue a love match with a man outside of my caste.” As well, marrying outside of the faith or outside of one’s caste is still frowned upon in this day and age. In the past, the-bride-to-be may not have even been allowed to work after getting married, depending on the groom and the societal expectations of the particular region in India. Drawing on the experiences of the women in my family, a significant portion of the prospective grooms often expect their future wives to be docile and agreeable, maintain the household, raise the children, and in some cases-quite disturbingly-act similar to their mothers. However, you have to consider that most arranged marriages occur in India, a country where access to divorce is limited (yes, even in 2022), and for a long time, it was considered to be (and in some areas, it still is) very “taboo.” These restrictions often render divorce as not a real option.įurthermore, the practice of arranging marriages is deeply rooted in misogyny and prejudice. Some of you may even attempt to quote statistics to me-and yes, I am aware that a study conducted in 2012 found that the divorce rate of arranged marriages is less than 4%. I know that right now I’m, depressing all of you, shattering your dreamy-eyed expectations of an elaborate seven-day Indian wedding-which do happen by the way, complete with various ceremonies, expensive outfits, piles of food that make you feel like you’re about to burst, and an endless number of relatives that you have never seen before in your life. Quite often, individuals may be pressured into an arranged marriage in order to fulfill their parents’ desire to have grandchildren, to improve their family’s social standing with a good match, or simply because it is expected in our culture. From that point on, there may be a few follow-up meetings before the individuals are required to make a decision about whether they want to pursue a marriage. The individuals themselves are then allowed to meet one another in the presence of their respective families (which, to be honest, does nothing to diffuse the awkwardness), or in certain cases, a respectable chaperone. Then, the list of candidates is narrowed down to one suitor, and the parents of both parties discuss the possible match. The role of the individuals to-be-wed in the process is actually quite minimal, with the parents of the prospective bride or groom first identifying suitable candidates based on age, career, wealth, family background, and often, caste. While it may seem useful to have what is essentially a free dating service-run by individuals who supposedly know you the best-the whole process is very transactional and doesn’t allow for any of the fairytale-type romance depicted in In fact, according to a 2018 survey, approximately 93% of marriages in India are still arranged. But what they play off for laughs is actually a pretty accurate depiction of what still goes on in India, as well as in some Indian families here in North America. Lately, many shows have been making light of-and in some cases, glorifying-the tradition of arranged marriages that is heavily entrenched in South Asian culture (I’m looking at you Indian Matchmaking ).
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